remember that you have to die

if you’re reading this,

i know that
you gave the day
another chance
you might think it’s not much
and if you stepped out of your apartment
you might return drenched in
sweat from the mocking blaze of the afternoon sun but
i’d tell you to lick your arm
taste the salt that is your victory
for you have already won
by being alive

you might think it doesn’t make a difference
to stay alive or sleep forever
because when you check your phone
all you see are the words and faces of strangers
some things make you burst out laughing
until you remember you are in a quiet room
you might put down your phone until
the four walls around you start to collapse
crushed by the weight of silence,
you ask where did all of the light go?
i’d tell you to pretend
that there’s a switch you can find
you need to get up and run
don’t stop until you find it
for flowers can never bloom in the dark

you might think your body is a waste of space
because you haven’t been touched for 2 months
or it used to take you to the beach, new coffee shops and on
dates with strangers you thought you could trust
and now it is a burden
to stretch, to feed, to clean, without serving you a purpose
i’d tell you to pretend
you’re a doctor
who’d sworn to be gentle and thorough
like a father with his newborn
like a painter with her art
picture your fingers, a paintbrush, giving colour and love
to every spot, bump and hair on your body
know that all of this is you and
that there is no one else like you

you might think your heart was like the
“please do not touch” sign at LACMA
a rule made to be broken
because you’d never heard the words
“together forever” from any man
from how they treated you, they made you think
you were a question
and one that was not worth answering
i’d tell you that
how people love is
not a sign of your worth but their growth
and to have two people to be “ready” for each other
is like catching a shooting star
keep looking up into the night sky
go into the sun to dry your tears
sleep in the spaces between the words of your books
and sing your pain, let your loved ones catch
every beat with their warm, calloused hands

dear loner,
when i tell you to remember that you have to die
i’m really telling you to remember that you have to live
to count on the day to be better
the way you can count on the sun to rise and fall
the way you can count on me to be here to tell you that
you will be okay
for the world is better with you in it
you’ll see